Desk Roast

Paste your GBP blurb.
Get roasted. Then fix it.

Free tease roast for local service owners and solo operators. Funny, useful, and clean — then unlock the full set for a one-time tip-sized fee.

Text paste only Works offline Not Google-affiliated No SEO guarantees

No photos. No face uploads. Paste text only. Keep it about a business — not a person under 18.

Hard filters: text-only · blocks minors · blocks sexual content · no slur generation · takedown: abuse@deskroast.example (placeholder — not a live inbox)

Free tease — roasts

Free

    Free tease — fixes

    Free

      Full roast (locked)

      $7.99

      Unlock all roast + fix lines — one-time $7.99. No subscription.

      Unlock full roast — $7.99

      This is a free proof tool. Not Google-affiliated. Not SEO guarantees. No fake customers. No cold SMS. Brand: Desk Roast (separate from Ironwood Labs). Abuse / takedown: abuse@deskroast.example (placeholder). Reserved-not-created alternate: desk-roast-abuse@agentmail.to.